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The Price We Pay For Blame

And What To Do Instead


No one believes they want to be in a position to experience blame, and yet blaming is a choice.


We choose it for the same reason we choose everything that works against us.  There is a certain pleasure we derive from it, while the greater cost remains unconscious.


Blame does have its pleasure.  Through it we get to see others as wrong and ourselves right.  This gives us a momentary release from the feeling of inferiority, the momentary high of feeling superior.

 

But the price we pay for this is making ourselves suffer to make that other wrong. Blame is a form of self-punishing passive aggression.

 

The opposite of blame is forgiveness.  When we forgive we allow ourselves to rise above the temptation to negatively judging another.  This allows more good to happen to us, in contrast to holding back our good to justify our blame.

 

Blame holds someone else accountable for what happens to us when the reality is that we orchestrate everything that happens to us for our own good.  We give ourselves precisely the experience need to grow spiritually.  To grow spiritually is to rise into a world of higher love, where more beauty resides.

 

As we grow in love we can allow more blessings to flow into our lives. 


As long as I hold onto blame I also hold onto the lack that I am blaming someone for. 


In blame we make ourselves miserable to make sure that the person who's behavior we are judging as wrong is not let off the hook.  If things go totally right in my life I really have no justification for holding anything against anyone.

 

If I do wonderfully subsequent to something you did that I disapprove of, your action caused no real harm to me and therefore I have no justification for my disapproval.  So the more energy I expend in holding onto my disapproval the more that I have to suffer to validate it.

 

You cannot make another wrong without making
something go wrong in your own life.

 

Do you deprive yourself of something you desire to live in blame?  Living in blame already does that because it means living in less love. 


Are you willing to experience defeat to give you a reason for holding another accountable for that defeat? 


Do you hurt yourself for the pleasure of taking your wrath out on someone else?

 

To love is to rise above wrathful feelings.  Are you willing to give up blame for all the blessings that you say you want in your life? 


Can you now see how blame is something you do to deliberately bar beautiful blessing from coming your way?

 

Blame is a learned anger pattern that we adopted from our parents' modeling, whether we remember that modeling or not. 


Unconditional love, which frees us for all blessings, gets covered over by the pattern of blame that grows thicker the longer we practice it.


But blaming our parents for teaching us to blame is certainly not the answer.  Plus, the fact is that they were suffering the losses they had to maintain to hold onto their blame, so they warrant compassion, not blame. 

 

Awareness is the antidote for blame, because through awareness we see how we punish ourselves by blaming.


We cannot hold onto blame without holding back something we want in our own life.

 

The price we pay for blame is not letting things work out for us. The gift of forgiveness is opening ourselves to receive all we truly want.


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