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How To Really Win The Game Of Life

Stop Trying To Prove Yourself


There is really only one thing that does not allow anyone to really win at the game of life.  It is the tragic attempt to prove ourselves.  As long as you want to feel like a winner you must feel like a loser and live in the fear of receiving that inevitable blow.


When your life is lifting you up into the experience of some kind of personal victory you see and feel yourself to be the winner-self you long to be.


Observe the sense of great relief demonstrated by the star basketball player when she hits the big shot.  In that moment she feels liberated from the loser-self she fears to be, and identified with the victorious self she longs to be.


But this winner self is just as transitory as the loser self was, and it is always replaced by the agony of identifying with a self that loses, with a loser-self. 


The nature of the false self is transitory.

The nature of the true self is permanent.


Look at what people do to one another to escape the state of identifying with the idea or image of themselves as a loser-self.   We strike back viciously to escape feeling dominated; but the injustice here is that no one is making us feel dominated outside of our own identification with the idea of ourselves being dominated!


People try to outdo one another at the other person's expense to prove that the other has not outdone them, while the experience of being outdone is all in the mind of the one struggling to dominate, defeat or hurt the other.


We must sacrifice something lesser for something greater.  We must sacrifice identification with all false selves to discover our true self.  The true self feels no need to prove itself to anyone.  The true self feels no fear or desperation about life.  The true self is guided by wisdom in all things.


The false self is always either disappointed or setting itself up for disappointment.  You are disappointed while you identify yourself with your idea of yourself losing at life in some way.  You see yourself making less money than another, or spending less time with your family, or being less well-known, or being not as good looking and identify yourself as a loser; in that moment you hate yourself.


Then you see yourself as making more money than someone, having more time to be with your family, being better known, being better looking and you identify yourself with the idea of being a winner, and you fall in love with yourself all over again.


Do you see how this demonstrates an abusive relationship with yourself?  It tells the classic tale of the love-hate relationship that destroys so many individuals, marriages, and two-parent homes for children.


Life is always throwing you curve balls to demonstrate the transitory and dissatisfying nature of all false selves.  Sooner or later you don't want to feel like a winner anymore because you don't want to worry about feeling like a loser anymore.  Sooner or later you realize that you cannot have one without the other, no more than you can pick up a stick that has only one end.


Parents drive themselves crazy trying to get their kids to behave in a way that always makes the parent feel on top of things, in control, and filled with a feeling of self-respect.  No child can do this for you.  No condition in life can do this for you.  Every situation in life is followed by its opposite.  As long as you allow the alternating opposite conditions of life to define who you are to yourself you feel like a frightened victim of life right after you feel like its fearless victor.


Just as adults get to the point that playing on a see-saw loses its interest, this emotional see-saw of identifying with false, passing selves eventually loses its interest.  This marks entrance into real spiritual adulthood.  We don't want to play in the playground anymore.  We prefer the thrill of real life.


To live with the thrill of real life, instead of the fear perpetrated by leading a false life, live in your real self.  Do this by realizing the futility of seeking to prove yourself, to prove your value or worthiness to anyone, including to yourself.


When you feel like a winner and when you feel like a loser, look at the feeling and say to yourself, This is not who I really am.  This is just a momentary reaction to a passing idea of myself.


Look for the permanent sense of self that lies beneath the stream of passing selves that you experience all day long.  Simply look within for the real you and you will gradually experience more freedom from identification with the false you that must always come to a fall.


You cannot escape from the pain of feeling like a loser as long as you seek the pleasure of feeling like a winner.


You do not have to prove yourself; you only have to discover your real self, to really win in the game of life. 

For really great team building, bring the inspiration of true self liberation to your group, workforce, school or association.  End petty personal rivalry and low morale.  Teach emotional accountability for more self-motivation and improved teamwork.  

Call me at 770-364-9580 or email to discuss your inspirational keynote or motivational seminar needs.  

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