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What's Wrong With Jealousy

When you are feeling jealous you are imagining someone else having an experience that you want to have.

In doing that you are both giving that experience to that other person and depriving yourself of what you want.

You bring about what you think about.  Thinking about someone else having a wonderful time helps that happen for them.  Thinking of yourself deprived of that wonderful time, experiencing an inferior time, brings that to you.

When I was going through my divorce and my wife was having a relationship with another man I found myself often strongly tempted to imagine her having an ideal romantic experience with him, just the kind of experience I wanted to have with her.

This would go on without me really realizing how much pain I was causing myself by thinking this way.  I would be consumed by the thought and the pain.  But by paying closer attention to my thoughts and feelings I soon became aware enough of how I was using my thinking to punish myself.

The lure to think about her in painful ways was like the lure we have to play with an aching tooth with our tongue, just to check out if it still aches.  Each time we rub it with our tongue the ache is sharply awakened, but we do it over and over again.

That's how jealousy works.  It hurts, but we do it over and over again, thinking about what pains us, thinking about what we do not want to happen, thinking our way out of a happy present and into an unhappy future. 

When I was aware enough I was able to shift the focus of my thinking from idealizing my wife's adulterous romance to thinking of the sacred soulmate relationship I wanted to have.  The vision of me having a wonderful romantic experience was not as clear as my vision of her having one, because my fear was stronger than my desire.

But through discipline I managed to direct my thought with my will by asking myself over and over, “What do I want for me?  What do I want for me?”  Soon, qualities of what I wanted emerged in my awareness.  I thought about how I wanted to feel with my romantic mate: at peace, in harmony, in love, good about myself, about her, about our relationship.  I saw in my mind the physical things we would be doing.  The vision was not vivid.  It was weak, vague, amorphous.  But at least it kept me out of envisioning what made me feel like I was experiencing hell on earth, which is the experience delivered by jealousy's vision.

Notice how you are feeling in the present every waking moment.  When you notice yourself feeling jealous, notice what you are thinking.  You are thinking of someone having an experience that you want for yourself.  Then you can shift the focus of your attention and direct it with your intention to know, to envision, to feel what you want to experience, in order to create it.

Bring Wisdom and Enlightenment to your group, business, association or school staff for a more conscious, positive team. Motivation is a call away.  Call Bob Lancer to present an inspiring speaker event or motivational training: 770-364-9580 or email for more information or to schedule a team building transformational program.

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