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How To Get Free From Negativity

To Solve Your Only Problem

It’s not what you feel negative about that is your problem.  It is that you feel negative about it.

Who you’re mad at (including yourself) is not your problem; that you are mad is the problem. 

What you are sad about is not your problem; that you are sad about it is your problem. 

What you are afraid of is not your problem; that you are afraid of it is the problem. 

The problems, challenges and dangers that you resist are not your problem.  That you resist them is your problem. 

What happened that disappoints you is not your problem, but that you are disappointed about it is the problem. 

The list can go on and on, but you get the point.  It is not what happens, but our negative judgment regarding what happens that makes what happens seem less than perfect.  When we use those events and situations that trigger our negativity to get free of our negativity, rather than try to get free of the event or situation we feel negative about,we are solving the fundamental problem of our being: unhappiness.  We are liberating ourselves to love and to enjoy our lives instead of relating to life as something we need to change, control or even get out of. 

Your life is not your problem; only your negative feelings about your life is the problem; and the solution begins when you recognize that fact and approach your life from that perspective.

If you feel angry with yourself because of something you did in your past, your past is not your problem and what you did is not your problem.  Your problem is your angry feelings toward yourself.  Once you realize what the real problem is you can begin doing something constructive about it.  As long as you make the wrong thing your problem you can only come up with wrong solutions, with solutions that don’t work.


Your life is absolutely perfect the way it is, but in order to realize that fact you have to be free of the negative feelings, reactions and judgments that impose upon your life experiences.  The reality is that you will never succeed at getting life to accommodate your weakness or penchant for negativity.  No matter how much you accomplish you will find that something happens very quickly that arouses your negativity once again.  As long as you insist on running from those situations as your strategy for escaping your negative feelings, you will find yourself running right into the same old negative feelings again and again.  As long as you approach life as something you need to shape into a form that matches your positive feelings all of the time, you will find again and again that you are struggling against the universe in vain.

The way out of negativity is by leaving negativity, not by trying to leave those people, places and situations that seem to make you feel negative, that trigger your anger, sadness or fear.  If you feel angry with yourself because there is something about you that you don’t like, perhaps your angry flare ups in the past, you will find that you can never change yourself into a person that you like and never get angry with until you lose the tendency to become angry with yourself over anything.

Many people say that they believe that one should feel sadness, anger and fear.  They believe their edginess gives them an edge.  But then, what happens when they feel sad, angry or fearful?  Do they thank the person or situation who gave them these feelings they say they want so much?  On the contrary, when they feel sad, they wish they could change their situation to make them feel happy.  When they feel angry, they wish they could change the person they blame to make themselves feel better.  When they feel afraid they want to change their situation to make them feel safe.  So they don’t really want to feel sadness, anger and fear.  They just believe that they need to experience those feelings in order to shape their lives into a form that will no longer give them those feelings.  The strategy is really quite ludicrous when you look at it squarely.  The fact is that they will never succeed at shaping life into a form that will keep them free of their negative emotions.  The way out of negativity is to work directly on getting out of the negativity, not out of the external conditions we feel negative about.

As we work on getting free of our negativity within the situations that trigger it we weaken our negativity in general.  We feel more balanced, harmonious, happy and free at all times.  We are able to love people when they displease us as much as we love them when they please us.  We are able to feel safe in situations where we used to feel afraid.  We are able to feel confident even after we make a mistake.  We are able to feel worthy of love even when someone rejects us.  We do not have to wax negative anymore.  This beautiful condition of inner freedom takes place degree by degree when we make it our number one priority and goal.

Instead of seeking outer successes to make you feel good about yourself, free yourself from negative feelings about yourself.  Instead of seeking someone to love you to free you from your negative feelings about being on your own, free yourself from those negative feelings.  Instead of seeking more money to make you feel safe, free yourself from the fear arising in your current economic situation.  Instead of looking for a job that gives you a deeper sense of meaning and pride, free yourself from feeling negative about your job and from beating yourself up with criticalness in response to the job you have.

What binds us to our fear and to other forms of negativity is the negative expectation that we will become complacent and passive – even lazy – if we do not feel negative about the imperfections in our circumstances.  What this reveals is a pattern of waxing negative when we are not distracted by external business.  The reality is that when you are free from negativity you will be more inspired then ever to take action in line with the beautiful conditions you would love to accomplish.  Your energy will not be drained by negativity, so you will have far more energy to live life to the fullest.  You will engage in creating new circumstances out of the joy of creation, not out of a sense of desperation to get away from what you feel negative about.


I had a client who tried this new approach for a while but then complained that feeling peace and contentment at work was making her feel bored at her job, not realizing that boredom is just another form of negativity.  If you are feeling bored, your problem is not the job or relationship or routine in your life.  The problem is your feelings of boredom within your current situation.

One of the most significant areas to apply this approach is to physical health conditions.  If you are suffering from any sort of physical malady or pain, work on freeing yourself from any emotional negativity you have around it, like feelings of frustration, anxiety and even low self-worth that may arise in association with your physical discomfort, pain or limitation.  While freeing yourself from negativity about your condition may not lead to physical liberation, you will feel so much better, the quality of your life will be richly enhanced, and those positive feelings do far more to promote physical recovery and well-being than emotional negativity.

Freeing ourselves of negativity has a tremendously positive impact on problem-solving and decision-making.  If you begin to feel anxious or frustrated during one these processes, avoid the common mistake of trying to solve the problem or make the decision as a way out of your internal discomfort.  Instead, focus on getting free of the negativity you feel about the blockage you are experiencing.  You will find that as you gain freedom from the negativity the problem solves itself or the way forward seems open and crystal clear.

If you want out of your negativity, including feelings of boredom, the first step, as has been stated, is to realize that your negativity toward what is happening is the problem, not what you feel negative about. 

The next step is the most difficult one, because you have to be willing to fully feel your negativity to get through it.  The key here is to work on not feeling negative about your negativity.  Simply accept your negative feelings as a present internal condition.  Try feeling completely neutral and accepting of your emotional discomfort or pain. 

Feeling negative about feeling negative merely compounds your problem.   If you do find yourself feeling negative about your negativity, try to accept that.

After feeling your negativity for a while, then realize that this is what you want freedom from; not the person or situation that is triggering it, but this, the negativity you feel in response to it.

The third and final step is to then see if you can let the negativity go by not thinking about the person or situation that triggered it.  See if you can just relax and release your internal emotional state until you feel inner peace.  If you persist in this practice you will be gradually, little-by-little, lessening the hold your negativity has on you.  Persevere in the long-run until you are altogether free.

There are deeper and more powerful processes for gaining freedom from negativity, but this is not the place to delve into them.  If you would like to learn The Method that I use and guide others through in my phone coaching, contact me and we will schedule a time for a phone chat to discuss your needs and how I can help. 

If you would like an inspiring talk on how to get free from negativity for your group, business, school or association, contact me to discuss that as well.

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